


Sex Machine

by weekend_conspiracy_theorist



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, F/F, bruce does not, cass thinks it's funny, pretty much just dorky girls in love, steph embarrasses herself, with casually slipped in nonbinary tim drake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4304661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weekend_conspiracy_theorist/pseuds/weekend_conspiracy_theorist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steph's shitty day culminates in accidentally pissing off Bruce because of a shirt that's not even hers.</p><p>Cass thinks the whole thing is hilarious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Shirt isn't Steph's

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of a tumblr post and my love of lady romances. The post can be found at http://themangle.co.vu/post/119093996080/the-only-real-otp-question-that-matter-is-which

The first thing you should know is that the shirt is not Steph's.

Okay—it is Steph's in that the shirt is in Steph's closet and Steph was the first one who wore it (as far as she knows), but Steph did not purchase it. She never would have even worn it, except that—well. We'll get there.

Anyway, so the shirt. Actually, it's technically a crop top, and it's hideous. Black- not, like, a deep, nice black, but a kind of faded, shitty black- with thick neon green letters spelling out the phrase "SEX MACHINE."

Steph kind of wants to blame the shirt on Tim, but that's mostly just because she likes to blame Tim for most of her troubles. It makes her feel good inside. The truth of the matter, however, is that Tim probably wouldn't have bought the shirt any more than Steph would have (unless they were planning on sneaking it into her wardrobe, rather than accidentally leaving it behind, in which case—rude), and it honestly could have been anyone. Babs (if she wanted a laugh—again, rude), Dick, Jason, one of her friends from school—hell, it could have even been Cass.

The only thing Steph really, specifically knows about the shirt is that Bruce absolutely hates it.

*** 

When things go bad in Steph's life, they don't just. You know. Get a little overripe and develop brown spots. No, when things in Steph's life go bad, they grow mold, become a biohazard, and shut down entire city blocks.

That is to say, Cass is mad and has kicked her to the couch, she's fallen behind on her reading for class, her math professor has handed her back a C- on a test she'd really kind of needed an A on, and Bruce has locked her out of the Batcave.

Again.

And she hasn't even done anything this time—he's just using her as a pawn in a fight with Babs. (Cass, of course, is immune to such crossfire, given that she's Bruce's favorite, except for whenever he and Dick are actually getting along. And even then, it's a little bit of a tossup.)

Between catching up on her reading and being unable to get comfortable on their shitty couch, she doesn't fall asleep until about four in the morning. This, naturally, results in her oversleeping on one of the only two days of the week she has an eight o'clock, so when she's grabbing clothes for the sparring session Tim's going to smuggle her into the Cave for this afternoon, she doesn't really pay attention to what she's grabbing.

She's more worried about having enough time to chug her coffee and make it to her bus on time.

Sue her.

It's not until she's standing in the Cave locker room holding this cheap, beach-side-tourist-shop type crop top in her hands that she realizes what's happened. She's seen it floating around in her dresser for the last few weeks, since around the last time she and Cass had a party (something Steph makes sure to do on a semi-regular basis for the sake of attempting to look like a normal college student, although Dick, Tim, and Jason always crash and ruin her attempt with their playboy, pretty boy, and tough guy acts, respectively). The color and texture are pretty similar to her oldest, most comfortable Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt, which is what she'd thought she'd grabbed.

"Girlfriend, come on, we don't have all day," Tim shouts.

"Just a minute," she shouts back, but she doesn't get a response. They're probably already stretching.

For a moment, Steph considers just not wearing a shirt- it's not like the crop top covers that much more than her sports bra- but she's wearing her oldest, least effective sports bra because all of her other ones are either in the laundry or have been stolen by Cass, and she really doesn't want to end up accidentally flashing Tim.

Or Bruce's surveillance system.

So she puts on the stupid shirt, then shimmies out of her jeans and into her yoga pants and exits the locker room.

She starts pulling back her hair into a big messy bun (Cass's favorite of her hairstyles, although for less aesthetic reasons she's fond of it loose, too), calling out, "Alright you fucking nerd, prepare to get your ass kicked. You think I haven't been training since you beat me last time? Well get ready for a goddamn reckoning, because I fucking want reven—" she freezes as she steps into the Cave's main gym, both hands in her hair, SEX MACHINE emblazoned across her chest.

"I thought you said we were alone in the house," she manages.

"We were supposed to be," Tim says, from where they stand sheepishly in front of a very angry Bruce Wayne.

"I came home early," Bruce says, still glowering, and his eyes focus on Steph's chest as she slowly lowers her arms. "'Sex machine,'" he reads out, and Steph can see the vein in his forehead throbbing from the other side of the room.

After all, if Steph is having sex, it's with his favorite (and only) daughter.

Do you think he'll believe that the shirt isn't actually hers?


	2. Steph Loves Cass

The second thing you should know is that Steph loves Cass.

Okay—that's not exactly true. Steph doesn't love Cass; Steph loves Tim. She loves Tim in that same way that she loves waffles and the color eggplant and introducing bricks to criminals' faces.

She also loves the Clocktower and going to college and teasing Damian. She loves oversized sweaters and making fun of Tim for being short (even though they're the same height) and the way Cass's hair smells. She loves watching her girlfriend kick ass and she loves helping her girlfriend kick ass and she loves the city and the people they're protecting while doing so. She loves a lot of things.

No, she doesn't love Cass.

She's in love with Cass.

She kind of wants to blame this on Tim, too, because. That's what she does. And in a certain way, Tim was her first link to this life—Steph had designed and sewn and worn her first Spoiler suit all on her own, she had become a crime fighter all on her own, but Tim was the one who drew her into the fold. The one who nudged her down the "Batfamily" path.

But the only person she can really, specifically blame this on is Cass—Cass and her huge heart and her determination and her competence and her sly, sly sense of humor.

And yes, said sense of humor does, in fact, include judicious use of crop tops with the words "SEX MACHINE" scrawled across them.

*** 

Sometimes when Steph gets Cass to laugh, she doesn't just smile enigmatically or snort or give a small chuckle. No, sometimes when Cass laughs because of Steph, her whole body shakes and her eyes look alive and she lets out these peals of laughter that are kind of shockingly loud, and Steph absolutely loves those times. She knows that Cass doesn't laugh like that for most people—on occasion, Dick might be able to shock a belly laugh out of her, and Tim can often get her giggling, but Steph is really the only person who can make her double over wheezing.

When Cass sees the surveillance video (courtesy Oracle) of Steph accidentally rubbing their sex life in Bruce's face, she falls out of her chair laughing.

Steph throws a pillow at her from where she's on the couch, drowning her sorrows in ice cream and Gilmore Girls reruns. "I can never look Bruce in the face again, it's not funny!"

Cass catches the pillow with ease, her laughter subsiding into breathless pants. "Little bit."

"You're a liar and a sinner, Cassandra Cain." Steph huddles further into her hoodie, scowling at the TV as Dean storms out of the Dance-a-Thon.

"Rude." Cass rises from the floor, closing her laptop before taking a seat next to Steph. She sits with her legs curled under her, steals Steph's spoon, and grins mischeviously. "According to the shirt, you're the sinner. Sex machine."

Steph lets out a frankly inhuman groan and hands over the half-empty pint of Ben and Jerry's. "I'll never be let back into the Cave, ever." She flops over onto her stomach to bury her head in the armrest, throwing her legs over Cass's.

"Poor Batgirl." Cass pats her ass lightly, presumably because she can't reach Steph's head. "Black Bat will save you."

"I thought Black Bat was mad at Batgirl," Steph mumbles, and it's muffled by the couch but Cass still understands.

"Black Bat was scared and upset because Batgirl was reckless on patrol and almost got shot." Cass prods Steph's back with the spoon. "But Black Bat still has Batgirl's best interests at heart."

Steph feels the small, irrational part of her that was worried Cass would never forgive her begin to relax.

Nonchalantly, Cass adds, "Besides, how can Black Bat make Batgirl train until there's no chance of it ever happening again if Batgirl isn't allowed into the Cave?"

Steph groans into the armrest, and Cass snickers.

Three days later, Cass has talked to Bruce. Since he already knew he was being ridiculous and overreacting (after all, Steph and Cass lived together, he had no right to dictate how Cass lived her life, and he didn't dislike Steph as much as Steph thought he did), it didn't take much for Cass to reclaim Steph's access to the Cave.

It's prime training time in the Cave; everyone but Bruce, Babs, and Cass has assembled (and Cass is on her way). Tim and Jason are currently sparring (viciously, as they always do, but they seem to be having fun, so Steph's not going to comment), and Dick's training Damian over on the uneven bars.

Steph could be using a punching bag or otherwise training on her own, but it's more fun to heckle.

"Hey, Dami, so is there anyone cute in your class this year?" she calls from the balance beam, which she's currently just straddling while swinging her legs idly in the air.

Dick sighs as Damian's fingers slip due to the distraction. He catches the kid easily, tossing him back up almost in the same motion, and Damian grabs the bar reflexively. He hangs there for a second, scowling over at Steph, and then begins his routine again. His spins and flips begin to gain momentum, and Dick makes soft comments as he studies the Robin's form.

"I hear there's this boy that thought your hair looked cool!" Steph calls, just as Damian's entering a particularly difficult flip.

He catches the bar just fine this time, but he snarls, "Mind your own business, Brown!" 

Steph cackles. "You should invite him over for dinner. Woo him with your table manners."

"It's the only place you have any!" Tim shouts.

Steph throws a glance over her shoulder at them, eyes dancing. "You complete me, Boyfriend. Need help kicking Jason's ass?"

Tim dodges a punch and sweeps out their leg, taking Jason out at the knees. "Got it covered, Girlfriend."

"Tim, are you trying to steal Steph again?" Cass asks from the top of the stairs, and Tim laughs.

Steph glances up at Cass, about to retort that if anything she'd be the one stealing Tim away from Jason, but instead she finds herself hiding a smile behind her hand as she dismounts the balance bar.

"I promise, Cass, if I were ever gonna try and run away with Steph, I'd bring you, too," Tim is saying as they jump backwards to avoid a roundhouse kick form Jason. "Imagine what a power couple the three of us—" Tim catches sight of Cass and loses their train of thought. They pay for their distraction with a punch to the diaphragm.

Jason crows with victory, spinning on his heel as he fist pumps, and then he freezes when he sees Cass. "Since when do you go clubbing?" he asks blankly, and Steph finally loses it.

She's got her eyes closed as she flops backward on the floor, laughing harder than she has in weeks, and she doesn't get to see Dick and Damian's faces—but Dick lets out a bellow of laughter, and Damian gives a 'tt' of annoyance, so she can guess.

Cass holds herself regally and descends the stairs with a serene smile on her face—a distinct counter point to the "SEX MACHINE" crop top and neon yellow and purple cheetah print spandex shorts she's wearing.

"See?" she tells Steph, extending a hand to pull her girlfriend off the floor. "It is funny."

Yeah. Steph is definitely in love with Cass. She pulls the other girl into a kiss, even though she's still kind of laughing and it's more just being in Cass's space than actually pressing their lips together.

Steph draws back, grinning widely. "Tell me Bruce hasn't seen you yet."

**Author's Note:**

> I just saw a bookmark remarking "I bet the shirt was Dick's in the first place" and I'd just like you all to know that that was, in my fact, my original intention


End file.
